A buddy called me up and asked if I wanted to go the Portland Swap Meet. Billed as the largest swap meet on the West Coast I was looking forward to it. I'm not sure why though, I've been in the past and the best things I can remember pulling out were a sarcastic poster (now posted in my garage) and a vintage racing sticker. But the hope was there that I'd stumble upon something I need, like $50 MGA fenders without rust holes.
We got off the interstate at PIR because I'd remembered there was swap meet activity at PIR as well as the expo center and PIR was the closer to us. Only when writing this blog did I find out that the PIR activity is not actually the Portland Swap Meet but a second event called PIR Auto Swap. So it turns out, I never went to the Portland Swap Meet.
So let's talk about PIR Auto Swap.
Despite the rainy weather there still seemed to be a good crowd. Oddly, though midday Saturday, vendors were packing up and going home. Apparently the PIR Auto Swap only goes through Saturday, which seems odd because it doesn't encourage guys that work regular work days to attend. The question the schedule begs to ask is, do people take Friday off for this? Based on what I saw, I wouldn't.
Part of the reason I wanted to go was to write up a new blog. My last blog, dealing with cars that aren't pretty but still awesome, I mistakenly entitled 10 Ugly Cars and Why We Still Think They're Awesome. Well, many keen readers read "10 Ugly Cars" and then looked at the pictures. They entirely missed my point that a car without the lines of a Ferrari can still be awesome; the difference between a galloping horse and a charging bull in a field. Anyways, these readers read 10 Ugly Cars, looked at the pictures and then called me a moron repeatedly. I was looking forward to putting the Ugly Cars blog behind and moving on with a positive fluff piece about a local event.
Unfortunately I don't think I can be very positive.
Both my buddy and I left feeling strangely depressed. Let me try and show you why with pictures.
First the rat rod craze has encouraged every person with a rusty piece of metal laying a field to slap expensive price tags on their piles of rust. It's counter-intuitive to the rat rod movement. The whole reason people started building rat rods was to escape the disgusting prices on all the established hot rod parts. Now rat rods are trendy and pricey. Rat rods gaining in value are a great example of how the hot rod culture is killing itself by taking the fun out. The cycle seems to be, start with something fun, then jack the prices up on everything and try and make a business out of it. Then be unwilling to come back down on price even though the youth are losing all interest.
Here are three prime examples of cars so rough that they should be nearly given to anyone willing to take them on -
When I was a kid someone gave me a Henry J Kaiser (yes, it looks like a name but it's an old car) for $35. I was so excited. I think we should try that a little more. Maybe we wont get the cash we want, but we'll see some joy in someone else's eye. There's a different value there! Our culture needs more of that. I'm probably guilty as well, but in my defense I did just give some cheap KC style headlights to the neighbor kid. Not a car though.
Back to the swap meet.
Beyond rusty car hulks, there was junk everywhere! Not just car junk, but any sort of junk you can think of. People have watched too many episodes of American Restoration/Pickers and think that everything fifteen years or older should be worth something (and often they think boo-koo bucks).
$650 for this old bike. Yeah, maybe it's neat, but not $650 neat!!!
And how bout a Dr. Suess clock?
In many stalls stuff was piled so deep you just couldn't take it all in. You found yourself just skimming because you couldn't afford the mental strain to register all the little things being sold. You might have more interest if you thought you were going to find a deal, but when you did see something you might want it was often higher than retail. For example, MGA disc brake pads, - $100. You can buy the highest grade for $45 from Moss Motors. I mentioned this to the retailer and all she did was glare at me.
Or how about a plastic kayak for $500? How much could a plastic kayak possibly be new?! Oh, and paddle is extra.
Broken, cracked fiberglass hull of an ugly motorcycle sidecar - $100
Now to be fair, I've always wondered where to find these two foot tall ghetto rims. Turns out, at the swap meet. Only $1650! Brand new chromed wire wheels for my 1957 car cost $1600 as a reference.
Another thing I saw was a remarkable number of broke down looking motors with stickers talking about how they were almost new. I saw, "just rebuilt", "new pistons and rings", etc. Right. That's why you're selling them. Because they worked so well.
Now you may think, "Well, he's just taking pictures of the worst things he saw."
Nope, I just took pictures when I remembered to pull the camera out. It got to be a game between my friend and I. We'd see something and then we'd name ridiculous prices as we approached it seeing who was closer.
I remember one in detail. A broke down go-kart with a plastic 4x4 body.
Me - "They're going to want something ridiculous like $800"
Andrew - "No way. $600"
The sticker - $1100
This process repeated itself many times.
And why do all the old Dodges get pulled apart? I saw more Mopar parts than you could spit at (seriously, you'd be dry mouthed long before the last). And whose paying $1800 for the intake setup? I'm sure someone. In the picture below it's a Chrysler 300 intake in the middle (yes, it's ford on the left, but there was less of that; except Mustang parts were EVERYWHERE).
I overheard one guy ask the seller why his old chainsaws were so expensive. The seller responded, "Well, they're man wall art now!"
But at least there were video games. Anyone else find it ironic being on a track pretending to drive a race car, and then wandering around it looking at old junk that was once used to make cars fast? Could be a statement about where our culture has went but I'll try to let it go....
Now in all fairness I did see things I would like to own or could at least appreciate.
The Camaro had already sold so I'm not sure the price but I do like the paint job and hide-a-way headlights.
This teeny trailer was fun looking. It was about the size of a small tent. I guess it would be great for those who hate tent poles.
These VW pull wagons were the most creative things I saw all day. Loved them.
This Mopar looked like it could make a beefy project for $750. Unfortunately, based on all the parts I saw in other booths I'd be willing to bet there wasn't a thing left under the hood.
This land cruiser looked like it could have a lot of fun potential. Unfortunately I also noticed (and you can see in the pics) the front brake lines are clamped off by a vice grip. Not a good sign.
And for some odd reason I love big straight motors. Unfortunately I think they wanted some insane price like $14,000 for this chasis.
But about the time we had given up on finding anything that seemed of value we happened across this bug which ran and seemed pretty clean inside for $1500. Someone could find a fun low cost project car here! The options were limited though.
No cost on this one nor a lurking seller. Looks like it would be a blast.
This little French car would be tempting for $500. They wanted $8k. The only little French car project I'd pay $8k for is one of those old airplane motor propellor powered jobs from the early 1900s.
It was fun to see an original interior in this old Chevy. It was more ornate than I expected. I think a lot of people don't put the full interior in when they restore them so you're used to seeing customs that are light on interior from this time period.
Another weird thing, in a way the people seemed sad. Literally sad, mopey, downtrodden, etc. When Andrew purchased a tow rope shackle thing, he told the owner "this is the first thing I've bought today".
The man replied, "Well, you better spend some money! People need to eat man!"
It seemed as though many of these sellers truly believed their things were worth what they were asking for. And instead of letting the market dictate the price, they seemed to look at us as disrespectful because we weren't willing to pay what they thought the things are worth.
As we left, tired and dejected from not finding anything fun (I bought a weed-eater), we saw this car being pulled out of the mud in the parking lot. Some how it seemed a fitting note to end our day at the track swap meet we both agreed.
But we were far from done yet. The flaggers sent us out an exit route that avoided direct exit to the interstate and instead sent us on a 20 minute jaunt into the commercial district on the banks of the back waters of the Willamette where the police will occasionally find bodies.
I hope the real swap meet was more fun with better, more exciting finds. Next year I bet I'll try the one at the Expo Center, the real Portland Swap Meet, hopeful as ever. It's amazing what a year or two will do to your memory.
